Go out you dumb idiot!

Your social skills needs a hell lot of work than you think!

It all started with a horrible breakup last August(2024).

Around the same time, my flatmate, who worked from home, had started travelling a lot for work.

So, I faced a unique problem that I had not faced before — How do I hang out alone? Especially on weekends.

I can’t just call my gf because there isn’t one to call anymore, and my friend who used to be just a room away is not there anymore(most of the time).

Before this breakup, I never learnt how to hang out alone. But, I also knew that not going out is not an option. Because I had a taste of loneliness before, and it was terrible.

Sad Story Time

I briefly lived in Saket(Delhi) for 5 months in 2023 with a roommate I hated(so, I never even talked to him) and an almost dead social life.

There was not much difference between my weekends and weekdays; all days were just me lying around and trying to get something done on my laptop when I was half-awake and not depressed. I also gained a lot of weight due to the resulting stress(and Delhi’s delicious food), which I am still trying to lose.

Eventually, that life caught up with me. I got even more depressed, and even getting some water to drink became a struggle. I also had a panic attack for the first time in my life.

I was already going through a tough time, and this lack of socialisation added unnecessary suffering.

I call it unnecessary because I did have more than a few friends in Delhi. I just never made the effort to make a plan with them. I could have also just tweeted out to meet more people, but I never did.

So, I went back to Pune the first chance I got.

It fixed my social life to some extent, and I also got a girlfriend around the same time, so the situation was even better.

But that lack of socialisation gave me some long-term damage. Because everything outside was great(I even got a raise), but inside, everything was going horribly. I was still depressed.

So, this time, when I saw that my social life was becoming dead due to factors that are not in my control. I chose to actively work on it and not end up in a situation where I don’t know what to do on weekend.

Taking My Social Life Seriously

I can’t tell you the exact sequence of things. But here’s everything I did(and you can too):

1. Went out to explore a book cafe with someone I met on Reddit

2. Went out for a lot of Shasn(board game) and other board game meetups

3. I found this cute little book cafe in Pune and went there alone on weekends and talked to random people

4. I went to a lot of badminton games, almost every weekend

5. I started going to the gym(inconsistently)

6. I joined Vikra’s Discord and tried to join as many calls as possible

7. I immediately said yes to a friend coming to Mumbai and hung out with her

8. I went out for clubbing, even though I generally don’t like the idea of clubbing

9. I went out on a podcast shoot with my flatmate. Met an influencer I used to watch back in 2022

10. I went out for Comic Con with a stranger I met on Twitter, whose friend ditched him last minute

11. I went out on a date with someone on Twitter(Didn’t work out, I am still single :_)

12. Took a 4-day break and explored Pune with my friend who came from Vadodara.

13. Didn’t sleep all night to go and watch a sunrise in Lonavala

14. Asked my friend to bring her friends as well to meet

15. And started DMing a little more often on Twitter to meet new people

I must have missed some of the things for sure, but 15 actions are good enough for less than 10 months.

But Why?

Because I learn new things from people, I see new perspectives, I get to know about opportunities that didn’t exist, I get out of my comfort zone, I improve my social awareness, I improve my EQ, I learn they dynamics between the genders, I get to see my friends happy and they get to see me happy, I get introduced to new people, I unlock future opportunities, I get to build my tribe, I get to help my friends, they get to help me, I show them new stuff, they show new stuff to me, they learn about new things, I do to, they share their misery, I always have something to share too.

But above all, because we humans are meant to connect and share stories to keep each other sane in this insane world.

There’s one quote that I live by:

“I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.”

―Celine

So, whenever I meet some online or offline, I want to keep them around. So, I go and meet them.

Also, it will only get more difficult to meet people as you grow older. I don’t want to be in a situation where I am stuck with people I didn’t choose to be my friends because I don’t have any options.

The biggest factor of happiness in all studies ever done has been - quality of relationships. And they are not built over the phone. They are built when you go out and meet as many people as possible and choose the right ones for you.

I know it’s hard to go out and socialise both offline and online. But once you learn the skill of connecting with new people through some trial and error. You will never be afraid of being lonely. And that will give you more peace in solitude than anything else ever did. Because now it’s a choice, not compulsion.

You might think it’s your social anxiety that’s stopping you or your introvert nature. And it is the truth for you. But there’s another truth — you can’t solve your social anxiety or introversion or loneliness by avoiding people. You have to bravely face them at first, and it will only get easier over time.

There’s one more big thing stopping you:

But that’s a minor problem in front of:

But even after all this. I am telling you, it’s worth it in the long term.

So, this weekend. Please, go out.

And that’s it for today.

If you enjoyed it, please share!

It keeps me motivated to post more consistently.