Solving problems is... easy!

Okay, I lied. It's not. But it's not that hard either.

Before I even start to explain my problem-solving mind map that solves every problem ever.

I have to talk about averages.

You are average!

I will use sentences like “Men do X” or “Women do Y” in this newsletter. What I mean is that, on average, they do X or Y.

For example, if you have to pick an engineer from a group of 50 men and 50 women, you will increase your chances a lot by choosing a man. And it will be opposite if you have to pick a Nurse.

On a side note, if you can’t understand averages. You are too dumb to understand anything I say, and you are not my audience anyway. So, go and read something else.

Back to the topic

Below is my problem-solving mind map.

Just read it for now and try to understand. Even if you can’t, that’s okay. We will come back to it later.

Now, I built this framework after my long experience of being unable to solve anything at all properly for 8 months straight. I was in a not so good relationship, a terrible job, and mentally+physically fucked up.

And while I was drowning in all this. I tried therapy, read books, went to the gym, made plans, made goals, journaled, did calendar-blocking, tried to talk through my issues, considered being dead, and had panic attacks.

So, it was not like I was not trying, but nothing was working out because there was one inherent problem — I am a man with an Indian upbringing.

The problem with being a man

Most men, due to their biological disposition and the way they are raised, tend to:

1. Suppress their emotions

2. And are more likely to solve things externally

Honestly, it’s a deadly combo for solving a lot of problems in life.

Because for most people, fitness is a momentum issue, writing is a momentum issue, building a business is a momentum issue, making friends is a momentum issue, and reading books is a momentum issue.

As long as you can suppress your bad feelings(laziness, anxiety, frustration, etc.) to keep going, you can solve any problem because all problems are a momentum issue.

You can even notice this in the men's lingo:

1. Hustle harder

2. Breaks are for losers

3. Keep your head down and work

I thought it was a great approach. That’s how I used to solve all my problems — forcing myself to take some steps and build momentum from there.

Fortunately or unfortunately, it never worked. I was never able to sustain the momentum. I will burn out, crash one day badly and stop doing the stuff I wanted or needed to.

But my therapist and the books I was reading had a different plan. They were forcing me to look inwards, and all I would say is that it was not pretty and needed a lot of work.

The problem with being a woman

Women, on the other hand, due to their biological tendencies and the way they are raised, tend to:

1. Be aware of their emotions

2. And are more likely to solve things internally

It is also a deadly combination for solving a different set of problems in life.

They can sense when something is off and avoid it or dig deeper. Reflect on their problems to find the root cause and eradicate the problem. Have a better idea of what they want in life. Express themselves and don’t shove their feelings for later to burst out.

And you can notice this in women’s lingo:

1. I love myself

2. I need to heal first

3. I don’t chase, I attract

But such an approach sometimes leads to inaction, overthinking, reminiscing, irrational fear, etc., etc.

So, if both ways are bad, how can you even solve problems?

Healing Through Action

The solution is simple and obvious by now. But saying it out loud:

You have to solve problems externally and internally at the same time. You can’t leave one or the other behind.

My problem was that I was constantly exhausted. I tried to solve it externally - eating better food, going to the gym, sleeping on time, etc., etc.

But one day, I just asked myself - Why am I so exhausted? The answer was - Because I never get a break.

I asked another question - “Why am I saying that I never get a break when I get a lot of time before sleeping, and weekends as well?” The answer was - Because even when I am free, or at the gym or even before sleeping, I am either thinking or anxious about work in my brain.

Now, the problem shifted from “exhaustion” to “how to escape my mind after work?”

So, I started going to a cafe every weekend without my laptop and doodled(something unrelated to work). It gave me a break every week for a few hours from my work, and I stopped being that exhausted.

I went even deeper into this problem and took a lot of other steps. But that’s too personal and detailed to share here. But you get the idea.

Now, go back to the mind map and read it again. It will make total sense.

Basically…

Sometimes, to solve a problem, you need to buckle up and do the smallest thing possible to build momentum and go from there.

But sometimes, you just need to sit down with yourself and understand - what’s really stopping me from doing this? Or why is X so difficult for me? Or why am I like this?

Spoiler alert - it’s some fear you picked up naturally or while growing up.

Then, you take that fear. Take the smallest step to resolve that fear, build momentum, and go from there.

And by this consistent cycle of going deeper and taking action, you can solve every problem in your life.

Some suggestions

For men, going to therapy helps. Because it forces you to see inward, which men don’t usually do. Or just go and watch some Dr. K(Healthy Gamer GG) — He is a legend.

For women, I know it’s hard, but take some steps despite what you are feeling about something. Let your feelings be shaped a little more through experience and not just intuition.

There will be a lot of resistance at first:

1. Men will say - Why am I thinking instead of just doing shit?

2. Women will say - Why am I chasing instead of just attracting?

But you will be surprised to know how much you can learn from the ways of the opposite gender.

Also, problems will never end. You will just have bigger and better problems to solve. But by then, you will be ready, because you will know that everything in life is solvable.

And that’s it for today.

If you enjoyed it, please share!

It keeps me motivated to post more consistently.

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P.S. As a reminder to use this framework to solve your next problem, download and print this framework and stick it somewhere where you can see it. And don’t forget to share it with your friends.